Hello everyone another reflected post from myself exposing my not so good mothers in my life and what I have been thinking about recently.
It seems feeling fed up everyday is new normality in life. But wondering to myself why I have not giving up yet. I feel I have written a similar post to this last year, but still feeling the same now.
Everything frustrates me or I’m just frustrated with myself. Or just fed up with my life. 2020 was such a wrecking ball to my life shuttering my hopes and dreams. Not knowing what to do next but just trying to survive in life. But I really want more in life. But it seems like a battle to even make the smallest changes. I have been in a stand still in my life, and so much time has just flown by.
Time is ticking for me in so many aspects of my life. Having a baby I now think that the ship has sailed for this now, as I’m older now in my late 30s their is more risks and complications. And time is needed. My stubbornness and being independent and not asking for help when I really wanted needed it, has had an impact on my life.
I feel I’m at a basic level in my life and I should be striving for more but I have sadly lost my fight. And I think that you right here is that I’m losing my energy to fight for what I want. And residing to what has been given to me. I should want more, but have lost my passion. I’m just settled at where I’m at and this before pandemic times, and it has been ongoing.
But wanting more and getting more are two different things. I have lost my focus but gradually getting it back, remembering what I really want in my life. Striving and wanting better in my life. But I’m stuck and just finding it hard to get out and only halfway out so far.
I need to enrich my life with more positiveness.
And that overthinking leads to negative outcome thoughts. Deep thinking and planning leads to life idea creating and changing things for a better. I feel I’m always thinking, thinking, thinking but not actually doing. Yes I’m might write down the ideas and thoughts but not always putting them into action. I also think about the many missed opportunities with so many things.
If only I knew then what I know now. There is also now a slowness to show signs and see progression in life. Things just take longer to complete.
I need to set life targets. I used to set goals and targets but during this pandemic time the mines has been very distracted. I do write things down, but it’s all about going back and looking back at them sometimes. I’m making a effort to note down good things I have done or have happened to me this year and last year, so I can reflect on them later on in life. And to remind myself the good things that have happened to me, because sometimes life can have distractions and obstacles and if there’s a lot of things going on in one time they can be forgotten.
But I think I’m putting off setting the hard challenges and tackling them. When I have been living life a certain way for a very long time it’s can be differcult to make new changes. Due to fears and setbacks which can push you back further than before. I’m not having 100% believe that things could or can really get better. With all that is said logically I know that things have to change, but I find it difficult if nothing is changing around me.
And when I do try to change something, a obstacle always gets in the way. But it’s about being strong and to push through the obstacles and not to stop moving. If I write a post similar to this time next year it would not be good thing.
So here are some of the goals I would like to set and manifest, and hopefully I’ll be able to complete them all.
- So the first goal well it will be a challenge to make sure I’m not in the same position I am in now this time next year.
- next is to be fully working and enjoying the job I will be doing and not just for the money.
- Be smaller in weight than I am now the weight gain is shocking, but I will leave that for another post.
- Be more positive in and with life, and hopefully with my new mindset will fully pivoted to Intake the new changes.
- Change my outlook on life, I still can’t believe how I’ve lost interest in so many things I used to enjoy. But I guess during this time (the pandemic and many lockdowns) it could be used to make new discoveries and learn new beneficial practices to have a better outlook on my life.
- And lastly to enjoy the good times in my life more, to be honest I don’t even like to celebrate my birthdays.
A practical tool that will help me is to ask myself these questions regular.
What are my passions?
What motivates me?
What do I really want to achieve in life?
I really had to think deeply about these questions and how I answer them, and how to put what is written into action.
Even though I’m an over thinker it’s mainly about something that has happened recently or before I do something major this seems to happen more. I need to change how I think to be a positive thinker.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post.