This post will be a reflective post.
Today I was thinking, well I think this thought many of times. But recent incidents has reminded me of these thoughts again. You know when your trying to change a aspect in your life to improve yourself, but so many external things are blocking this from happening and making it more differcult. And having to adjust to the new directions and new changes in life.
How can a introvert blossom if they have had a plan, but obstactles keep getting in the way. Wanting to change but finding it hard to change, and doesn’t deal with new changes well.
Thinking back in 2019, the many plans I was planning for in 2020. And the tasks I would do for the steps to be taken for the changes to happen. Then bam COVID-19 happens. I miss so much of how life was before March 2020. And took many opportunities for granted not knowing how the future was going to play out. Time wasted and being stuck in a limbo. And things I didn’t like doing having to give them a chance and tackle them. Once we have this virus under control, I feel like we have or will be starting over many things again.
More networking is being done online than in person, I’m so not a online person in so many aspects. But a positive app that has come to be very useful is Clubhouse for networking, finding rooms with people with similar interests. I’m still socially awkward so it’s been a slow process being vocal on the app, because it takes time for me to adjust too new things. And the control in me because I can’t hear my own voice when I speak which I feel is weird. But guess I come across clearly from the feedback given. I think it’s just my internal barriers stopping me, which is what I need to change.
Or change up the words to take the steps to change. But the over-thinker in me just likes to take over my mind, than to be in the moment.
I think internal and externally I am not in a good place. For example earlier today before typing this post, I weighed myself to discover that I am the heaviest in weight that I have been in my life. But knowing this, it’s like it has not really phased me and not much emotions to this revelation. Sometimes I feel in my body myself that I am good, and then go on the scales to reveal to me bad news so to say. To think that I thought I was losing weight to actually find out that I have put on a massive amount of weight. I know a few reasons why including a personal issue recently that affected my exercise output, my eating habits is not good and snacking more. And also doing the water challenge of drinking 2 litre of water or more in a day. I will say I went on the scales on a empty belly.
I’m just stuck on a vicious cycle. And to be honest I have lost motivation in so many things that I used to enjoy. So is this just a mental issue? Yes. But what can be done about it?
Here are some questions to ask –
- Acknowledge what is going on?
- Problem solve
- How can things be improved?
- What steps need to be taken?
- Time taken
- When to review the changes made
I was fed up with life before COVID-19, and now I feel I’m on my last straw. And acting blind on setbacks but not really doing to much to make changes as I feel low in energy. And when I do try to heal, something else happens which causes another setback in life.
This is just a honest reflective post from me. And gradually taking the steps to get better. Thank you for reading this post.